Do any of these comments sound familiar?
• “I thought you were going to follow-up on that?”
• “But she should know how to do it; we’ve talked about it at least five times.”
• “That’s not what I heard in the meeting.”
If there is a hint of familiarity in any of these comments, you are not alone. It seems like communication (or lack thereof) is at the heart of many work place conflicts and team challenges. George Bernard Shaw said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” And it is this illusion that creates many difficulties for leaders, team members, and bosses (not to mention the trouble it can cause in one’s personal life!).
So what can we do to improve overall communication? Consider these three quick tips.
1. Understand the difference between intent and impact. We form opinions about others based on the impact of their words, actions, and behaviors. We evaluate (or judge) ourselves based on our intentions. During many work place conflicts, intent and impact go head to head. Somewhere along the line the two parties stopped giving each other the benefit of the doubt and starting ‘assuming ill intent.’’ While this can be true, in most instances it isn’t ill intent that has caused the problem. Increasing awareness about the difference between intent and impact can help the parties begin to settle differences.
2. Listen. That means quit multi-tasking (e.g., typing, I-messaging, reviewing documents) while you are communicating and take the time to truly listen to the other party. Practice common listening skills of watching non-verbals (yours and the other parties); checking perceptions when what you are hearing doesn’t match those non-verbals; and, paraphrasing back the content and emotion of what you are hearing (not repeating exactly—that doesn’t demonstrate meaning—you have to be able to share back in your own words).
3. Ask meaningful questions. Ask open-ended questions that help you to increase understanding and aid in problem solving. Don’t lead or guide the individual. Ask empowering questions that provoke thought and then truly listen to the response. You may just find that you aren’t as far apart on an issue as you thought.
While these three ideas won’t solve all of your communication difficulties, they will help set the stage for success.
Tags: Beyond the Jargon, Calibra, communication, Diane Hamilton, listening, questioning
